Sunday, November 28, 2004

7 Days Till Summer...

So it's Portland to LA to Auckland to Nelson to Invercargill to Palmerston North to Wanganui, back to Auckland, LA, San Francisco, Merced, then back to Portland. Three months and thousands of miles later it'll be pictures and memories but for now it's still a very exciting idea. It's a crazy concept to wrap my head around: Put off college to race a bike for the winter on the other side of the world.
How insane, how awesome.
In the last month nearly every person I know has asked how much room is in my bike case. "Enough room for a person? How about your carry-on?" Too bad, but I wish I could take everybody with me. It takes a lot of work (from other people) to be an unemployed athlete, and without you guys, I wouldn't be going at all. Now, this close to the day I leave I need one last favor. After all this preparation there's only one thing left to do, find a picture for my racing liscence. If anybody has an eye patch and a pirate hook I can borrow, call me.
Next time I write I'll be half a world away, so for those I won't see before I jet away, many thanks, and see you next spring.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Name Yourself a Verb

Bono's got one thing going for him (aside from the rediculously successfull music gig). He's got a sweet name. So does Sting. So does Hubert Ice. Even Nicholas Cage has a pretty cool name. None of these people popped out of thier moms with such snazzy rockstar monikers, oh no. Like Dana Carvey hilariously pointed out, one day Sting had to start reminding his friends "could you please call me Sting from now on?"
So anyway, from now on, call me Brenden Benediktas.
It's much cooler.
Trust me, I'm a rockstar.

U2's Sucky Crap continued...

So maybe I was a tad harsh on the legendary band but lemmesplain... Every person on earth is born with a certain finite amount of genius or creativity. Some have more, some have less, some have none.
There are people who exibit a steady flow of creativity for long careers, they never do anything truly groundbreaking or earth-shattering, but they are consistent. People like author Tom Robbins and Robbin Williams are members of this group.
Then there are the people who use all thier genius up in a short, brilliant flash then fade out. Jack Kerouac was one of these. The guy wrote a book that defined a movement and created a whole subculture, then he failed to repeat his masterpiece and drove himself nuts. The members of U2 could be considered a part of this group. They used thier creativity and genius to create massive anthems of social commentary, political protest and personal conflict. The problem was, the genius ran out, but they refuse to quit.
Now they're the "biggest band in the world" so no one will tell them that thier standards are at rock bottom, the music isn't that great anymore, and if they didn't have the name U2 on thier CD cases, they probably wouldn't sell squat.
Here's my plan for U2. 2 Options: #1 Go out "on top" while people still think they're the biggest and greatest band in the world so they can pursue all the great charity work they've been known to go or #2, Bring back the mullet.
Seriously. Mullet. Think about it.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb (and other sucky albums by U2)

Let me start by saying that if I hadn't heard "Where the Streets Have No Name" about 13,000 times, it'd be a damn good song. Same goes for "War," an album that rates pretty highly in the anit-war pop music category. That said, I pose the question: WHY WONT THEY JUST RETIRE ALREADY?
Holy crap, Batman, I've heard that awful new U2 song more times than I care to admit and it sure doesn't get any better with every listen. If any band that wasn't called "U2" sent that odd collection of scales and vocal posturing to a record label, this is what would happen:
RECORD EXEC 1: Jesus, Don, what the hell are you listening to?
RECORD EXEC 2: Not too sure Jimbo, sounds sort of... what's the word I'm looking for?
SECRETARY: "Crappy?"
RECORD EXEC 2: That's it Sandy! Now I remember why I hired you, apart from your gorgeous figure and saucy demeanor!
SECRETARY: (giggling)
RECORD EXEC 1: Hey Don, if you don't need that tape, I'll take it.
RECORD EXEC 2: What, are you going to allow this refuse to pollute the airwaves?
RECORD EXEC 1: (laughs) That's a good one! Nah, I could use a new coaster though!
Lights fade on shot of portly pinstriped douches smoking fat cigars...