Wednesday, March 01, 2006

New Strategy; Bagpipes

New Strategy for complete national and local domination.

Travelling personal babpipe band.

They follow me to races, march into the infield and start playing battle songs while I warm up.

Went to Kells Irish Pub for a Guinness and some fish+chips with a few friends the other night. Place was packed to the walls, people everywhere. The air had that electric Saturday night tension that makes every second seem like the one just before everything breaks loose.
The Irish band on stage finishes up a raucous set and wanders to the bar. Things quiet down momentarily. Just as people start to get restless a low drone starts... you know... droning. No one knows where it's coming from, few even know what the sound is until the snare drums start pounding. Seems far away but it's getting louder and louder. Louder and louder until a bagpipe band walks straight past your table in full kilt-kit playing as loud as bagpipes, snares and bass drums can play.

I'm not even Irish and for some reason this sound made me want to stand up and fight everyone in the room. Everyone. Right then. If that stuff brings out the anger while I'm sitting at a table with Jenny and a few other girls, imagine how amped I'd get while warming up... That would open the door to "the room" and push me right through.

Plus, can you imagine how crazy that would look to the other guy? How insane would I look?

Anybody know a good bagpiper?

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

HA! JACKED UP!

So at superweek last year I was trying to survive 2 hour crits, going so hard I dislocated and unhinged my jaw to facilitate better airflow into my pathetic, kiddy-balloon style lungs, and out of knowhere this dude in the Uraguay-an national team kit (which I recognized from geting jacked around by two different Uraguay guys at the AVC a couple years ago) rides up the curb on the inside and bunnyhops back into the street and gives me a full body-check which sends me into Dave McCook, who gets pissed, starts yelling and body-checks me right back into the curb. I stayed upright with some magical powers and by closing my eyes and thinking of how retarded it would be to crash in the middle of the field with 30 minutes to go, surrounded by a hundred guys who are all faster than me.

Anyway. The Uraguanian ends making an absolute KILLING by winning every prime over 10 dollars for 5 races straight by riding 200 meters in front of the field for lap after lap after lap. Stories run rampant about his vicious and idiotic riding style and terrible personal hygiene.

Then USACYCLING.ORG drops the megabomb:


"COLORADO SPRINGS (February 16, 2006)

USADA sanctions Uruguayan rider

The United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) announced today that Alvaro Tardaguila of Montevideo, Uruguay, an athlete in the sport of cycling, has accepted a two-year suspension after his sample tested positive for the prohibited substance recombinant human erythropoietin (EPO) and an anabolic agent.

Tardaguila’s two-year suspension begins on October 17, 2005, the day he received credit for serving a voluntary suspension. He is disqualified from the Downer Avenue Bike Race held in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and all subsequent events. USADA handled this case of a Uruguayan athlete as directed under the UCI rules since Mr. Tardaguila tested positive at an event in the United States

Friday, February 17, 2006

Bikeless Post

Today I'm not talking about anything related to bikes. I'm all in a tizzy about The Great Danish Cartoon Fiasco. This whole thing is getting way out of hand. Here's the timeline:

Danish cartoonist draws a frame of a dude with a turban, a bomb and the word Mohammed written on him.

Muslims get pissed.

Everybody freaks out.

An Israeli newspaper reprints the cartoon in an article explaining the outrage.

An Arab newspaper reacts, creating a contest calling for reader submissions of offensive anti-jew holocaust comics.

The same Israeli newspaper reacts to the reaction, calling for ITS readers to send in thier own offensive anti-jew holocaust comics, saying (I'm paraphrasing but I swear I'm not making this up) "when it comes to jew-bashing, no one will beat us at our own game."

Today (from opb.org) "In the northwestern Pakistani city of Peshawar, cleric Maulana Yousef Qureshi said he had personally offered to pay a bounty of 500,000 rupees ($8,400) to anyone who killed a Danish cartoonist, and two of his congregation put up additional rewards of $1 million and one million rupees plus a car."

Holy crap. Over million bucks plus a car for the assasination of a cartoonist? Are you kidding? Is this for real? Are we that evil? WTF?

DT

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Hey Yo New Guys, What's Up?

Season's coming faster than i care to think. I think Tuckie that skinny wanker is showing up in mid-March. Scotty'll be over as soon as it stops raining (so july or august?) and I don't know about the rest. Looks like the team's taking shape for another year. People from all over the place will be fighting the power in orange. Bring it. More kiwis, an east-coast yank and portlander by way of... some other places. So to Ian, Kirk, Logan and Richard: welcome to the crew. Also Steven Beardsley and Heather V will be joining me on the track this year. Boo-ya.

Today's crash brought to us by steep tracks and toe-clips.


Sunday, February 05, 2006

Seahawks, Rectangles and Malaysian Crashes; a Recap


Today's Crash Of the Day courtesy of racing in January and the Tour of Malaysia.

Saw a bunch of bands for free last night. Most impressive was The Rectangles. Kind of like Cars songs played by a combination of every early 80s english punk band ever. Singer was the nerdiest ever, looked like he had just crawled out of a stormtrooper costume. He was spazzy to match. So uncoordinated he fell off the stage twice. Tried to climb on top of his keyboard (which was perched on top of a rickety two-leg key stand). Thought he was going to swan-dive into the crowd at any moment, but he ended up staying up for an entire song as the 9 keys he was standing on droned on and on and on... classic.

Not normally a huge football fan, but go Seahawks. It's 2:10 and we're watching pregame on the bigscreen shop TV...

Wierd. Never know who's gonna walk into the shop at Jay's side sometimes. Congressman Earl Blumenauer's wandering around in spandex checking out accessories for the pair of Trek Portlands (his and hers?) he's about to purchase... He looks skinnier than he does on the news. Nice guy though. Funny seeing people like that out of thier element. Maybe in a neon windbreaker instead of a red power tie. Makes my life interesting.

Pregame shows crack me up. What are these guys saying that hasn't been said for the past 2 weeks every day on espn or in any sportsbar in the country?

How 'bout that sun eh? eh? Wonder what Ping-Pong's doing right now.

URGENT NEWS ANNOUNCEMENT:

SAUL RAISIN WINS THIRD STAGE AT MALAYSIA
What an animal. US U23 (u24 now?) slays em' on the big stage. Awesome.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Two Ways To Hate Yourself

Way #1: Lactic/Analactic/Vo2 Threshold Testing.

Went to the always impressive Nike campus yesterday to spend some quality time in the top-secret super-shwank athlete testing facility. It was like walking into a Austin Powers scene. Huge electronic locked doors with giant "RESTRICTED AREA" signs on them. Lots of brushed aluminum and diamond plate steel all over the place, huge rooms with cameras everywhere, the odd human skeleton model here and there, and lots of prosthetic feet laying around. That was probably what struck me the most about the facility. The feet. Everywhere.

The testing itself was brutal. My shiny new bike was set up on an electonically controlled trainer that measures power output in the form of watts. The idea is, the rider goes through a load period of 4 minutes at a certain wattage, at the end of which you get a rest of 30 seconds to a minute while the lab people draw blood and analyze it to determine how much lactic acid is circulating in your body. Then it's back up to load, with another 4 minutes at 40 more watts than the previous load. Over and over. If that's not bad enough, you're doing the entire process with your nose blocked off and a mouthpeice jammed in your face so they can record how much CO2 you're expelling and how much O2 you're taking in with every breath and how often and bla bla bla. You get to repeat the load over and over and over with increasing resistance until you collapse or throw in the towel.

We started at 150 watts, made it to a full load at 330, a sustained heart rate of 210, white and red spots in front of my eyes, a splitting headache, loss of motor skills, and an inability to communicate.

I have only hurt that bad once on a bike (new zealand, tour de vinyards, takaka). I wanted to spit the mouthpeice out, I tried, I couldn't.

I won't get the official results unil later today, but at one point on my final effort I overheard one of the lab techs (sorry guys I'm not so good with names) mutter "holy shit" under her breath as she watched my breathing and lactic rates. Hopefully that's good shit...


Way #2: Listen to Bill O'Rielly

Honest, it was a mistake. I was just flipping through radio channels looking for a traffic report and I heard an irate old man screaming about (i swear I'm not making this up) Muslims all deserve the stereotype of terrorist extremist because "all of the 9/11 hijackers were followers of the Koran." A soldier back from Iraq tried to argue for reason and (surprise!) O'Rielly attacked him.

ACTUAL QUOTE: from the blowhard about religious extremeism. "I think I know what I'm talking about, I wrote a book on the subject."

ugh...

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Looks like Walker Texas Ranger the grunter guy won't be returning stateside next summer. Looking to stay in NZ, finish his degree and stop being a slave to the bike. Smart guy.

So looks like I'll need a new madison partner this year. Hopefully Scotty gets in town before June 12th or whatever it is. I'm not too into doing a 6 day by myself... Maybe convince some of the Canadians to come down and do the endurance 6 day AND the sprinters 6 day. That'd be a good time. Talk about killer training...
DT

Saturday, January 21, 2006

from BikePortland.org

"Cyclist sues TriMet

Long time bike advocate and current city employee Randy Albright (seen here at a June Critical Mass ride) has filed a lawsuit against TriMet seeking damages of over $48,000. The suit, which was filed last Friday, details an incident which occured on the Hawthorne Bridge back in January 2004.

I recently met with Randy to get his side of the story:

On the morning of January 22, 2004 he had just entered the west end of the Hawthorne Bridge heading into downtown when he noticed the bike lane was full of gravel debris. The roads had just thawed from an ice storm and despite several attempts to get maintenance crews to clean out the bike lane, it remained unusable. Because of this dangerous situation, Randy was forced to ride just to the right of the main traffic lane.

A few minutes later a TriMet bus came up from behind and buzzed him “less than a foot” from his handlebars. This was much too close for comfort in Randy’s mind. A few minutes later Randy caught up to the bus near a stop (still on the bridge) and proceeded to walk his bike directly in front of the driver’s window, yelling and screaming at the driver (for anyone that knows Randy, this is not hard to imagine). Before long, the other traffic continued on, but Randy remained in front of the bus, causing a delay.

[*Note, the bus was standing-room-only full at this time.]

This delay apparently upset the driver and one passenger in particular because suddenly the bus door opened and a man stormed out. He approached Randy and instantly began hitting him. The first punch broke Randy’s lip open (later needing stitches) and eventually this “John Doe” wrestled Randy over to the sidewalk (see photos).

After the incident, John Doe walked right back on the bus, the door closed, and the bus continued on into town. According to timestamps on the images made from TriMet video, the entire incident took less than one minute .

Randy and his lawyer feel TriMet is responsible because the driver:

Failed to operate his bus safely.
Allowed John Doe to leave the bus at an unapproved stop.
Allowed John Doe to return to the bus after committing a criminal assault and battery.
Failed to call the police after witnessing a criminal assault and battery.
Failed to call for medical assistance.
Facilitated assault and battery by a patron.
Randy has met with TriMet and reviewed video of the incident (that’s where these photos came from). Despite being cooperative with Randy’s requests for information, TriMet claims that John Doe is responsible for the incident and they have not assumed any responsibility so far.

In the background of all this is the fact that many cyclists have had run-ins with TriMet busses. Just glancing at my close call submissions, I found five of them involved a TriMet bus (here they are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5).

That being said, I’m not so sure Randy handled this right. Did he really have to make a big scene and get all irate with the driver? Would he have had more luck by just taking down the bus number and going through the proper channels? My heart says I can’t blame him for getting upset, but I wonder what would have happened if cooler heads prevailed…and so does Randy. At one point in our meeting, he said sheepishly, “I don’t hate TriMet or anything…after all, I take the MAX to Zoobomb!”.

But regardless of Randy’s outburst, there’s simply no justification for a TriMet driver allowing a passenger to beat someone up and then leave them without any more respect than roadkill. And what’s up with this psycho passenger? That guy needs to relax and stop assaulting people he doesn’t even know. Too bad no one knows who he is because I’d love to hear his side of the story.

Perhaps the judge will make TriMet begin a new cyclist safety training program. If something like that comes out of this we all win, because regardless of how it turns out I think there’s a real need for cyclists and TriMet to work together to share the road. They’re the heaviest road user and we’re the lightest, it’s a recipe for disaster. "

http://bikeportland.org/wp-content/images/albright_man2.jpg
ALT="http://bikeportland.org/wp-content/images/Albright_web4.jpg">
ALT="http://bikeportland.org/wp-content/images/albright_man_1.jpg">

January at the shop

Mega slow. Not a person in sight. We opened the store and didn't see a single soul for an hour and a half. Pretty impressive for a popular bike shop.

What we're listening to right now:
Deerhoof

What we're watching (at home):
Lost (yeah i know, it's addictive)
House (jerks are funny)
The Man With The Screaming Brain
Napoleon Dynamite

Top 5 Portland Burrito Joints:
Cha Cha Cha
Ole Ole
Rafael's (they deliver.. boo yah)
Azteca/Mazatlan
Manzana's

Now we're listening to:
Pavement

Saturday, January 14, 2006

BURNABY

Was cool.
Racing indoors is way beter than training in the rain and sludge.

Damn those cannucks are fast. Always fun to race with Bruneau and Chater and the gang, those guys can really drive thier bikes. Highlights are as follows:

I didn't actually take out any Canadians with mind power, but it seemed like I did when one fell off his bike and landed at my feet while I was watching Dave's kierin round. Dude track surfed for a good 30 meters before coming to a stop right in front of me. Just looked down and went "you okay?" He was fine, the bike not so much. Looked like that $5000 corima was going to need a little duct tape.

I didn't save Dave's life, but I saved my new teammate Steven's. He came underneath me on the apron in a kierin and I was about to launch him into next week until I saw how orange he was. All good, the officials didn't dig it too much, and informed him that the apron isn't a cool way to go unless you want to get relegated. All in all he rode well against a pretty stacked field all weekend.

I drank about a case of Gleukos.

Pretty humbling weekend in all. Lungs felt great but the legs felt small and weak. Rode a pretty crap time in the 200, only good enough for 4th in the sprints, 5th in the kierin, and although I finished both races, I still managed to f*# up the sprint in both long scratch races.

Dave wore his PBR shirt during our Olympic sprint. Awesemely poetic.

Matt Chader won everything. The dude's been eating his Wheaties. He slays all in the sprints and kierin, then goes on to make everyone look like amatuers in the long scratches and the points race. He either has the best endurance of any sprint guy or the best sprint of any endurance guy. Or he's not realy a man, he's a robot that looks like a man and says "hoose" instead of "house" Thought it might be the Tim Horton's coffee, but I saw him at Starbucks the morning of the second day (I almost tripped over Bruneau's tree-trunk-like leg walking through the door. That guy's hard to miss), so I guess he must train or something.

People in Seattle don't know how to drive. I-5 was closed in 2 spots along the way. Damn rain is tough to drive in, and it's so uncommon in Seattle.... fortunately Steve's new video ipod and a few Ben Stiler movies kept the long-ass drive tolerable.

Must go to the gym... i'm feeling weak just thinking about it.

DT

WTF?

Yo blogspot, what's up?

Missing 3 posts for some reason... All that work for nothing. WTF?
DT

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Breaking Stuff

I hate breaking stuff. I can't afford it. I spend enough money on brake pads, water bottles, cables, cleats, chain lube, and all that crap as it is. You know what sucks the most? Breaking wheels. Wheels aint cheap. Long story short, today I ripped the threads off my grass-track hub and totaled the thing, but I'm not even pissed.

Here's the long story long.

Grass track consists of a bunch of track racers who all get together on Saturdays to beat up on each other, improve handling skills and get a good workout. Standard equipment is 1 crappy bicycle (fixed gear, no brakes, drop bars and cross tires) 1 semi-smooth grass surface (soccer field, football field, etc.) 10 cones to mark the short 100m track, and a good rain jacket. Racing consists of kierins, scratch races, match sprints, drag races, madisons and such. Skills excercises are Gauntlets. Everyone rides together in a mini group, one person starts at the back and must make it to the front by going up the center of the group (who does not allow the rider to advance). All contact is legal. It's always rainy, so the surface is always soft with mud and grass, so crashing isn't a big deal. Points are awarded for ultraviolent maneuvers and killer saves. It's a good time.

Anyway.

During the last set of drag races this morning, I was 20 meters from the line, I wasn't gaining on Stephen fast enough and I thought to myself "oh shit, I'm gonna loose." This is where I gave it the hardest final kick ever and SNNAP!! no more resistance in the pedals, I fly forward and nearly take my wisdom teeth out with my stem. Managed not to crash, rolled to a stop, checked out the hub and started my victory dance... YES! That's right. Tore the threads apart. Granted it's the crappiest, cheapest hub Suzue makes (how strong can a 30 dollar hub be?) but it still kicks ass.

Monday, December 26, 2005

The Rib-Eye Killer

Christmas is a big deal around here, so I don't joke around when it comes to my pre-christmas preparations.

THE EVE
Everyone knows the importance of hydration, so in the days leading up to christmas I make sure to take in plenty of fluids. Fortunately coffee and beer are mostly made of water, so I don't actually have to change much in my daily routine in order to achieve this.
Despite the fact that I'm a sprinter, I'm not interested in becoming a big usesless overweight sprinter, so I go for a flat couple of hours on the bike path. You know, for the calories. Then it's up to the parents' house for food, a South Park holiday marathon and presents. Riding kilos has taught me the value of a good warm-up, so I hopped on the couch, turned on some bad christmas movie and got started off with 10 or 12 cookies, a pile of christmas fudge and a few drinks. This is where my dad discovers that it takes more than an hour to cook a 90 pound steak, so dinner gets a rain delay, and I get more cookies. Jump forward to the main event and it's a glorious occasion. I start off easy (as I usually do) with some baked potato and a little salad, and then wind it up to a big finish with so much steak I think I sprained my stomach. Good thing I did that spin yesterday.

THE DAY
Three words: Bacon, biscuits, gravy. Real gravy too, not that lame stuff that comes in a bag. Add more coffee to the recipe and you get a morning of goodness, followed by a whole day of stocking-stuffer candy. Pure magic.

Pre-Burnaby Predictions:
During the burnaby weekend events in a couple of weeks, 4 people will slide off the track all by themselves and blame thier tires ("those blue ones just don't grip as well..."), Beardsley will do a better kilo than he did at LA (or I'll probably have to punch him in the face) I will win the sprints in front of some other endurance guy who will show up and smoke all the other sprinters "just for training," Keith Bruneau will ride okay then go so hard he rips his cranks off in the olympic sprint and Dave will surprise everyone by winning the madison by himself after doing 3 months of secret roller workouts out of sheer boredom (no more kiwis in the house).

SO. Coming soon: THE BURNABY REPORT (or How I Saved Dave's Life and Crashed A Canadian With Mind Power)

Thursday, December 15, 2005

FINALS ARE OVER

And you can file that one under BOO-YA.

Seriously. You can.

Friday, December 09, 2005

End of an era?

So the team's budget has tripled in the last couple of days. Apparently Orange is a cool color to be in, because a few companies seem to really dig us.

Here's why this is good and bad.

It's good because we'll get to travel more, and it will lighten the financial burden of said travel on us young impoverished athletes. This new situation forces us into one of responsibility for our results. We can't just write off a race if we're not having fun anymore because we know that at the end of the day, these companies don't want to pay for a loosing team. Therefore, we're gonna go harder and get faster (or else).

It sucks because of everything I said above. We're gonna have to act like professionals in public now, and that's no fun. We're not an overly adult group (despite what our ages might say). We like being loud, obnoxious retards, and we still will be, but now we have to make sure we're not wearing team stuff, and we have to make sure we're not acting like idiots in front of the wrong people (which could be anyone). See the dilemna? Results and pressure are good, but they can bring you down hard if you're not carefull and realistic.

Yin and Yang, bla bla bla. Good and bad, I know. It's still a little intimidating, but hey, I'm into it.

Guess I'll have to start training one of these days, eh?
DT

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Scott Allen recovery update

For those of you who didn't know, Scotty ran into some medical issues a few weeks ago and had to be hospitalized. This isn't the first time Scott has had to hit the white sheets, but he's built tough, so he's coming back. This time he's pledged to get off the streets and stop slinging crack, he even plans to put out a record with Dre. We all wish him luck.
http://www.viceland.com/issues/v12n10/htdocs/dos_donts/14.jpg

Scotty fresh out of the hospital

Monday, November 28, 2005

face

Anybody see the pics of the Sydney Thousand? Anybody else wondering what is on Rene Wolf's face? I know he's german and "euro" and all that, but it looks like he took one chin first into Ryan Bayley's significant posterior.

Gross.

http://www.cyclingnews.com/photos.php?id=photos/2005/nov05/sydney_thousand05/KU3L2028

Sunday, November 27, 2005

burrito as a metaphor for life

'tis the season for life-affirming quotes, so here's my favorite. For those of you who aren't yet die-hard fans of TooVanillaForYou dot blogspot dot com:

Chestre Concordia said...
True story.
Think of it this way. There are two ends of every burrito, and even if you prefer one end, you'll still have to eat the other one sooner or later...

Really makes you think doesn't it? If it doesn't make you think, you are either really good at math and not very hungry, or you don't have as much time on your hands as some other people...
DT

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Turkey

On the way to turkey dinner #3. or 4. not sure.

YES as the previous post implied I am in the CIA now, I'm a special agent in charge of going to foriegn countries and blowing shit up, they just don't know it yet. Nothing to do with the slow winter months, no more bke racing till spring and Anatomy and Physiology completely smashing my brains out. Yeah. It sucks.

GRASSTRACK. grasstrack is probably the coolest thing since those twisty caps on beer bottles. i think my helmet is 4 sizes bigger since I tried to headbutt my way through Abers' chest this morning. rock n roll.

More later, if anyone still reads this thing.